Friday, April 6, 2012

Life Changing

Hey everyone I want to share with you what's going one lately. I've been going to the gym now since december and working hard to get in shape this year. Part of this was challenging myself to do something that scares me. I've been watching my body change little by little and I'm proud to say I've lost 2 pan ts sizes and am 4 lbs away from my first goal. The best part is...I'm starting to feel my inside change. I'm becoming so proud of myself, and I feel GREAT! I feel like a butterfly coming out of her cocoon. It's the most amazing feeling to do something that I knew I wouldn't like or be able to do it, and to actually like it and be able to do. My sister is a marathoner and I've posted about her several times in my blog. She's been trying to get me to join Team in Training for a few years now and I never wanted to. I KNEW it was something I wasn't able to do so I didn't want to fail so I never tried it. Well getting excited about the disneyland half marathon I wanted to try one. So I was really thinking about doing it but the fundraising part of it is scary. And the travel expenses for my family were even scarier. So I slept on it and prayed on it and probabally for the first time in my life I didn't act on my impulse lol. Then I started thinking about the Nike Women's marathon in San Francisco. That was my sister's first marathon...and when you cross the finish line you don't get a get a Tiffany's necklace given to you by a Firefighter. Could it get any better? So today I was talking to the recruiter (who know's my sister) because I made up my mind and joined TNT to do the Nike Womens...and we were talking about the fundraising amount...and she say's I understand your a survivor of lymphoma (ok now I have goosebumps, and the tears start and now again as I'm typing this) all I could say is "my sister has a big mouth" lol. She said would you honor us by running as a survivor/honoree... I've had lymphoma twice, but I've never felt like a survivor. I told her I had it easy, it was in tumors that were removed and they implanted wafers and closed me up. I didn't get sick I didn't have to fight...I didn't have to survive! I got to go on with my life. My biggest inconvience from it was having to have my blood drawn every 3 weeks..then every 6 weeks..then every six months and then once a year for 2 years. I had it easy. The recruiter were lucky...but your story is still just as important as the ones that had to fight. YOU are just as important to us as the others. And you would be surprised how many people like you your going to meet. Since this conversation I've been a wreck. I don't talk about having it. I don't call myself a survivor...but you know what I've realized today. I've been a hostage to it. I've never dealt with the fact that I was 12 the first time I got sick...that I never really went back to being a normal kid. That I was always tired and run down and would get sick at the drop of the hat. So much so that High school was a nightmare for me. I ended up being home schooled my sophmore year because I was just too run down. Or the fact that when it came back when I was 18, I just knew I was going to die this time. And again it took forever to feel like a normal took a good 3-4 years after each surgery to get back to "normal" that's 6-8 years of my life. Or to think I'm ok with it and then when the tumor in my arm popped up last year and I had to have surgery every fear comes flooding back...I never realized how much it really impacted my life until that conversation this morning. I did survive...and by god's grace I was so lucky not to have to fight for my life. I had the same illness that the ones fighting and suffering have. I just got lucky that it was caught when it was. So I'm making the decision to run as a Survivor (I still feel a big of a fraud because it was easy for me)but maybe if I meet more of the lucky one's like me I'll be able to let go of something that I didn't even realize held me hostage. Please support me journey..keep me going. I've got to train to run 13.1 miles! YIKES. Every little bit will help, and if your not in a position to make a donation please pass my story on help me get this out there. Even atta girls will be big help. And watch for my updates!